


pity party

by jengao



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, angst again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-22 10:50:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22315111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jengao/pseuds/jengao
Summary: jeno spends their second anniversary, alone.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	pity party

jeno sits alone, staring at his reflection in the convience store window. a party hat on his head and a sad smile adorns his face, tears threathening to spill over and flood the small corner store. 

there's a cheap slice of store brought cake on the counter in front of him, two lonely candles next to each other. a party for two people, but only one is here.

just means theres more cake for me

donghyuck said that they were breaking up.

forever. forever.

and that he was no good for lee jeno. and that this was the best for him. if that was the case, why was jeno struggling to hold back tears as he lit the candles on the cake? 

one candle blazed to life. a symbol for one year. one year together: the year jeno and donghyuck met but by the most unusual circumstances. but donghyuck fell for jeno, and quickly. quicker than jeno, but donghyuck was happy. happier than he had ever been. and jeno lived off his boyfriend's smiles, hugs, and kisses even as the terror of only one of them falling in love with the other gnawed at the back of his mind.

jeno didnt know how to stop donghyuck from falling into the rabbit hole of love or worse, he didnt know if he would be able to fall in with him. or how long donghyuck would be willing to wait to catch him if and once he did. now jeno will know that answer. 

jeno lit the second candle, for their second year. jeno shivers slightly, but he can't stop his mind from playing the memory reel burned in his head. he sees nights spent laughing and giggling with donghyuck. he sees them celebrating their anniversary, and he sees himself starting to fall for lee donghyuck a little too late.

what a cruel joke.

jeno also starts to see the cracks in their relationship. he starts to see when and where donghyuck started to pull away. withdrawn and less affectionate. he also sees where donghyuck tried his best not to push jeno away. the little fights, the misunderstandings. jeno sees it all now. he feels like crying.

jeno leans back, looking at the sad slice of cake. candle wax drips down onto the frosting as jeno sits and stares. jeno doesn't want to blow them out. not yet.

last week was their two year anniversary. donghyuck broke up with jeno not even a week later. they had been busy all week and jeno had been waiting for the right moment for them to celebrate when donghyuck had texted him that night. now jeno sits by himself. at their anniversary party by himself. its also a goodbye party. yes, that's what jeno thinks of it as. 

tell me why the hell no one else here  
tell me how to make it all feel better

jeno still has yet to shed a single tear, all his emotions brimming just under the surface. it rocks back and forth as he tells himself it'll be alright it'll be alright it'll be alright it'll be alright 

jeno starts to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. donghyuck isn't coming back. and yet jeno texted him about the cake, hoping donghyuck would think it over and somehow magically decide to start over. to say that last few days weren't real. soon the tears are coming. jeno is angry.

what had he done wrong? why was he being punished this way? he cries until the candles burn down half way. they're silent sobs and sniffles, as jeno balls his hands into fists and tries his best from breaking anything. jeno stops shaking at one point and just breathes in and out. he remembers how donghyuck rejected his proposals to stay together, saying he needs time away from him, and jeno can't help but blame himself again. 

time. you just need time jeno, donghyuck had said. but jeno doesn't want time, he doesn't want to forget or to move on, or heal. he wants donghyuck.

but jeno also knows he has no choice but to walk away, to let him go, and to heal. jeno is no longer crying, but he also isn't thinking of donghyuck anymore. he knows he loves him, but he needs to stop chasing after someone who was never meant to be his. donghyuck's heart shaped lips, soft laugh, wide smile ... jeno replaces them in his mind with the fights and screaming matches. with the bad days and the days he wanted to die. it makes it easier for jeno to hate donghyuck, to let him go, to put down the phone, and to move on, without any pieces of him.

jeno thinks of why he never liked the idea of dating once. because when you like someone, you've already gave them a piece of your heart. and when you fall in love with them, you give them the whole thing. when you break up with them, you can never take your entire heart back; there's always that piece still left with them, whether you like it or not.

jeno is a hopeless romantic. he wants donghyuck to forget him now. because if donghyuck isn't the one for him, jeno wants his whole heart back, so that he can give himself fully to the one who deserves it. jeno does not care if he hurts donghyuck in the process. 

jeno just needs time, and patience. and restraint. jeno does not think he wants to fall in love ever again. to fall in love is to make yourself vulnerable to heartbreak. and jeno believes that his heart isn't built for loves like this. he gives too much, loves too much. so who would ever love him?

jeno thought he knew the answer, once. he thought he had found it in lee donghyuck. he almost starts to cry again as he thinks of the little black box tucked away in his closet. the black tuxedo still fresh from the dry cleaners. and the reservations for donghyuck's favorite restaurant. all the hopes and dreams jeno had that he wanted to share with donghyuck, forever, shattered in a heartbeat.

but time will help him heal. jeno blows out the candles before they can melt down all the way and set the cake on fire. the twin flames are snuffed out in a single moment, as jeno closes the chapter on his and donghyuck's tragic romance. he wipes his tear stains on his sleeves until his face is dry. he dumps the cake in the trash, and makes his way home, alone.

**Author's Note:**

> @jenfaerie on twt, i got suspended again


End file.
